Hidden Sorrows—Behind the Scenes of Life with Psoriasis
by Katherine Almengo
Image source: Unsplash
Staring at my reflection, debilitated
Borderline infuriated that the happiest day of my life is scarred
They say you're supposed to feel “beautiful” on your wedding day
Yet, the image that plagues my mirror screams monster
The flakes, redness, and humiliation start at the midline of my forehead and enter the depths of my scalp
Tears flow down as my sentiments of unworthiness, unattractiveness, and irritation take over
I don’t deserve to get married
Why would anyone want to wake up and roll over to endless fragments of scalp and dead skin on their sheets?
Every day I fear my partner’s patience with my condition will exhaust
Being intimate is nearly impossible
The thought of my peeling skin covering the pristine integument of my lover devours my bit of confidence
In sullen grace, I only allow the deed to be done if my face is not visible
My life is dismal
I could never amount to the external beauty society admires
Living with scalp psoriasis figuratively and literally is a hellfire
The itching doesn’t stop
The raised scalp and redness are constant
An endless cycle of internal despair
When every time someone glances at me I know they are staring at my hair,
The crusted plaques that overpower any other physical feature
All that I am is a deformed woman in a white dress, an unenchanted creature
Katherine Almengo is a second-year medical student at the UTCOMLS.
